Stuff Assholes Like

Since blogs are about the limit of the asshole’s attention span, they’re a favorite pit stop on the prick’s daily web rounds. And one of the dickhead’s favorite genres is a newish entry in the blogosphere: the numbered list of “Stuff [XX]’s Like.” Of which what you’re reading now is the most cogent and moving example.

It all started, of course, with Stuff White People Like by a Californian on the rim of 30 named Christian Lander. This sainted rocket-from-the-basement went from WordPress to fad to phenomenon to actual-book-in-the-store in six quick months, along the way netting a $350,000 advance and a snarky putdown in The New Republic. Kurt Andersen, founding father of the great Spy magazine and novelist, commends it.

Like weeds in the runway of rage, other sites shot up screaming, “Hey, there’s more to mock than just upper middle class liberal self-righteous white people.” (And whispered, in futility: “Show me the money, man.”) So far as this mocker can tell, none is quite as witty as the original, with a single exception I’ll mention at the end of this post.

There is now a blog about Stuff Asian People Like. And Stuff Educated Black People Like. And Stuff College People Like. (Whatever “college people” are.) Always ready for a parodic party, queers chimed in with Stuff Lesbians Like and Stuff Queer People Like. And a wit (or dyslexic) put up one called White Stuff People Like – dedicated to “Things that are white that people enjoy.” (Understandably, this blog topped out at #5, last time I checked.)

Then there’s the mildly disturbing Stuff God Hates, not so much a parody as a demonic rant from a place of possession. And the more disciplined if kind of gross Stuff Nobody Likes (”#1. Herpes” … “#27. Pedophiles” … no argument here.) And one about the other kind of white meat, Stuff White Trash People Like. And so on. A couple months ago a guy named Doobybrain compiled a list of them.

Why do assholes like these sites? Because they’re just like themselves – mildly mean, unoriginal and very easy to understand.

With one exception: thank you for reading.