Stuff Assholes Like

Asshole: “So all I’m saying is, I like to call it like I see it. I’m a straight shooter, a Jack Welch from-the-gut, here’s-the-story kind of guy. That’s me. I’m not some kind of candy coated pansy ass and let’s face it, this isn’t any kind of candy coated town. We’re dealing with competitors out there who would dance on our graves singing hallelulia and wake us up four hours before we go to bed. That’s life. If you can’t handle it, get out of the bomb bay, pee wee.

“Honesty is the best policy, and I took out a policy in the ’90s. When I see something, I say something. Don’t ask, don’t tell, get out of my office. It’s all about, what I observe is what I serve. Know what I’m saying? It’s about the truth.

“Like I’m telling you I don’t like your style. Sure, maybe that’s not all nicey-nice, hey, we’re buds, let’s hop into the Mustang and hit the Magic Mountain. But whatever. I’m coming from an honest place, little chief. My truth is my truth. Can’t argue with that jar of pimentos, can you?

“Like I’d tell my kids if I gave a shit about kids, or had any – I’d say, you’ve got to stand for something or you’ll fall for anything. Word to your Mothra. There’s a fine line between pleasure and pain, and if you’re not coming with the truth it’s time for a time out. It’s happy hour and congratulations, you’re getting a half-price set up of whoopass on the rocks. On me.

“What’s real is real. I call it like it is. Got a problem with that? Didn’t think so.”